A brief story about the worst (and only) date of my life.
With February on its end and the weather getting better, I feel like introspection is necessary in order to take the last step ending 2016. I know, I am slow… I question my life choices, my professional experiences and my habits. The thing I question myself about as well is how important are my friends and my family. Well, I start remembering old friends, young enemies and others. Suddenly, I freeze just like a mannequin. And my brain keeps laughing and laughing and laughing.
I remember an old friend that I like to call ex-acquaintance who has been the instigator of my worst and only date. Let me tell ya…
The date started quite well with a diner in a Nigerian restaurant. Believe me or not, my moto is « Good food, good mood ». He did really well. Until the question « what kind of movies do you like ? » comes out of his mouth. I introduce my answer first insisting on the fact that I haaaaaaaaate horror movies, I am deathly allergic to it. His face turns ice intending to mention that the movie we have planned to watch after the diner is not really horror but not really a comedy, Don’t breathe (Fede Àlvarez, 2016). Then he starts laughing and promoting horror movies as soooo funny hahaha. I am laughing as well. Ha. Ha. Ha. I force myself to behave like an adult but hate being put in uncomfortable situations by strangers. Hell no.
Arriving 5 minutes late, we seat and I start praying under my jacket that I put on me like a blanket (I bet you do the same, don’t you ?). I literally stop breathing while tones of deep dark thoughts are popping into my mind and I keep thinking about stalkers in my bedroom, how I would never go to United States and meet ex-marines, a fox attacking me on my way home and so on. However, the situation started to get worse when that-damn-dude-who-bloody-brought-me-here-for-real put his hand on my thigh. Tchip ! Really ? Tchip ! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what the hell ? Nice try body but now I want to kick your face even more ? What is that damn strategy ? Whatever. Oh no wait… He’s putting his arm around my neck and kiss me on the forehead to cheer me up. Too late, I have committed suicide in my mind since we have been sitting in those seats!!!
From then I will make it short. We leave, he walks me home while putting his saliva on my forehead, progressively going down to my cheek. We stop on my doorstep and start chatting for hours, and THEN he tries to kiss me. I went backward literally like Ip Man (haaa I love Donnie Yen) with a sorry. He dares ask why, and with a unique attitude I dare answer him « I don’t want to, I mean after that movie… It has just been the worst date of my life. ».
You may think I am rude but I don’t like to lie, and I think he was quite nice. Isn’t it better to be true from the beginning rather than lie until the end ? After that we had really great times and laughs together but we stopped seeing each other after few weeks for the best. Nothing happened between us, not even a kiss. He could have been a really good friend, but you quickly recognize when someone is not even meant to be an acquaintance. That’s a blacQeye State of Mind.
blacQeye 